British media and hotness.

September 25, 2008 at 7:01 am (tv misc) (, , , )

This is random, but I’ve decided something I kind of like about a lot of British shows and movies is that they don’t feel the need to make everyone in the cast ridiculously attractive. Or rather, not so Hollywood-attractive, although the one-ep guest stars and stuff are usually normal, it often seems the main cast looks good in a less traditional way. It makes it feel a little more realistic and less glamourized. This aids Doctor Who in particular – the show as a whole can’t be considered realistic in any sense of the word, but the guest stars having that boy/girl-next-door look adds to the theme that the Doctor intrudes on situations that are completely realistic and normal and everyday, and makes them all weird and special and fantastic.

For an American example, Jericho was good about this too. Their blatant glamouring-up of Apocalypse Barbie [Emily] aside, anyway. IMO the star, Skeet Ulrich, was somewhere in the middle between Hollywood hot and unconventional hot, and everyone else pretty much nailed it. Good to see.

After all this, I still don’t mind all the Hollywood pretty – it’s nice to look at, duh – unless it’s one of those things where they seem to have chosen a cast purely for their looks and not their acting abilities. Apart from those cases, it’s just nice to have the more lifelike sense to a show/movie once in a while.

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Twilight parodies! Whee!

September 19, 2008 at 3:24 pm (misc.) (, , , , , )

 

 If you have no idea what Twilight is, you can look it up on Wikipedia or go to the post right before this one.

Ahem. These are both based on the excerpt of New Moon [haven’t read the book] that was at the back of Twilight. Bella had a nightmare where she was old and Edward was young, Bella was miserable because now she was18 and Edward was 104 17, Bella went to the Cullen’s house for her fantabulous Alice-prepared party and was an ungrateful little turd [heeee] about it, Bella got a paper cut and Jasper was unable to restrain himself and tried to attack her only to be stopped by Edward who also threw her out of the way into a bunch of crystal plates so she got even more cut up, like nice work, perfect boy. Now, parodies.

 

Okay, so the first one here is based on the “what if?” thought that Rosalie saw her opportunity to get rid of a problem and took it.

 

Rosalie: Wow, Edward, I am so sorry that I ran past you and Jasper and ate Bella. I know, I thought I had better control too. It’s very upsetting, I really got to like her in the eight seconds since I’d thought about my seething hatred. Oh, and you were right by the way, she does taste excellent. Like a tender cut of prime rump, with some sort of delicious sauce – it was a little disconcerting that she still smelled of freesia, like I was eating flowers made of meat.

*licks finger as Edward sobs*

Mmm… disconcerting but delectable.

*wiggling her bloody digits under Edward’s nose*

Maybe you could have a taste, so the deliciousness could cheer you up. Come on, please don’t be like that. It’s not like it can make her any deader, so no harm done. Alright, you have it your way Mr Sulky. Huh, look, there’s a bright side – we won’t have to worry about the bloodstains, not with Jasper there sucking them all out of the carpet. Isn’t that nice, Edward? You won’t have to look at the remains of your pathetic human girlfriend every day? You should make sure you thank Jasper for that. Oh, hello Esme. Um, I’ve been trying to comfort Edward but he just won’t stop making sobbing sounds, it’s very annoying. Could you take over? Thanks, I need to go immortalize this day in my diary, maybe have hot “I just snacked on my brother’s girlfriend,” sex with Emmett… I hear that’s the best kind.

 

 

 

This one is supposed to be the conversation she and Edward had on the drive to his house. And I really don’t have anything against old people, don’t take their views as my own or come after me with wiffle-ball bats, ‘kay?

 

Bella: Oh Edward, I had the most horrible nightmare.

Edward: Mmm?

Bella: I was there, and you were there, and I was OLD! I had white hair! And wrinkles! And a stoop!

Edward: Well, that’s a long time away…

Bella: That’s what they want you to think! I woke up and looked in the mirror, and I had all these big age spots. It was awful!

Edward: Uh, I didn’t want to tell you, but those are pimples, sweetheart. They’re… enourmous.

Bella: *ignoring him*…And I was thinking, you don’t have any age spots and you’re never going to get any! We’ll be like TomKat magnified! Of course, I don’t mind the micromanaging and possessiveness, but the age difference is so gross!

Edward: Thaaanks.

Bella: But you don’t look it! No one scratches their eyes out when we make out in public!

Edward: We don’t make out. Ever. You faint or attack me when I peck you, if we tried making out we’d get four seconds in before you stab me with a kitchen knife and go into cardiac arrest.

Bella: It doesn’t matter! How will I feel knowing that you are not just hundreds, but millions of times more beautiful than I am?

Edward: Avoid reflective surfaces?

Bella: Please be serious and help me!
Edward: Well then, do you think you’ll still smell of freesia when you’re old?
Bella: Probably more like knitting and dentures. *sobs*

Edward: What would you say the chances are of me being able to read your mind by then?
Bella: *in “gush” mode* Oh Edward, I’m sure you’ll have figured it out by then, because you’re my brilliant talented perfect angelic godlike superpowered boyfriend.

Edward: That’s sweet, and I’ve solved your problem.
Bella: You have? See, that’s what I mean! You are so brilliant and talented and perfect and angelic and godlike and superpowered!

Edward: Yes, I know. Now, we’ve established that by the time you’re elderly, you’ll have lost your enticing freesia-scented goodness and your resistance to my mind-reading that so arouses my curiousity, and your looks, yes?

Bella: *quietly* Yes…

Edward: Then you won’t have anything to hold my everlasting love any longer! I’ll take right off when you hit forty-five, problem solved!

Bella: *gaping* Yo- you’ll leave?! Can’t you love my personality or something?
Edward: You have a personality?
Bella: I don’t know, just assuming I do, then…

Edward: …Then that “loving someone for what’s on the inside,” stuff will still be falsities made up by ugly people who were probably old themselves. Loving someone for their personality – Bella, I thought you understood that was all nonsense.

Bella: *sighs* You’re right, I was just grasping at straws. Sorry.

Edward: That’s quite all right.

Bella: No, it isn’t all right. I love you because of your dazzling beauty and voice that sounds like honey would if spreads could talk – it’s not fair to expect you to achieve the impossible. When I reach forty-five, you go. I’ve worked out a perfectly viable life plan to deal with the situation.

Edward: Let’s hear it then.

Bella: I’ll simultaneously become a crazy cat lady and go into a zombie-like state. Like someone who throws cats at people and then eats their brains while they’re distracted.

Edward:

Bella:…

Edward: I say, can’t you turn on the damn darn radio or something?

 

 

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Twilight: Hee, heh, haha, now let’s get all intellectual and shit.

September 15, 2008 at 2:48 pm (misc.) (, , , , , , )

Yeah, I know, it’s a really weird title.

 

So there’s this book series called Twilight that is touted as the next Harry Potter. Which is kind of true, now that HP’s done, these are the immensely popular fantasy books, although their audience is mostly female and they aren’t nearly as popular with the geek crowd.

 

For people who don’t know much about it, there’s this girl called Bella Swan [yes, author Stephanie Meyer did just call her main character Beautiful Swan, snerk] who moves to a rainy little town to live with her estranged father. There, she finds everything totally boring and subpar except for a ridiculously attractive boy called Edward and on a lesser level, his ridiculously attractive family. Who all turn out to be vampires, because apart from giving them heaps of superpowers, vamping makes someone amazingly beautiful – where can I sign up for this? Of course, they’re good vampires who feed only on animal blood and glitter like a little girl’s fairy doll – I am not making that up, I swear to god. Anyway, Bella and Edward then engage in Twu Luv 4eva and eva and eva. And also angst about a lot.

 

Now, for whatever reason, these books have the amazing gift of causing hilarious parodies and really interesting discussion. So, here’s the best stuff I’ve found, in my order of preference.

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Disaster Movie “review.”

September 7, 2008 at 11:40 pm (movies) (, )

This isn’t even out in Australia yet – and I certainly won’t be seeing it when it is – but it’s only appropriate that my spoof review of their spoof movie is based purely off the poster and trailer, considering that that’s their modus operandi too. So, without further ado:

Disaster Movie is one of the most ground-breaking parodies of all time. It’s right up there with The Rocky Picture Show, Airplane! and Frankenfish*. It puts inferior spoofs like Mars Attacks and Slither** to shame. It’s misfortunate that all the haters and critics can’t get past the pop culture references to see that Disaster Movie has so many layers. Why do you think it only spoofed movies that were so mainstream? It’s because it was actually critisizing it’s target demographic for blindly worshipping these films that are so often shallow when there are projects of much higher quality and depth utterly failing to even recoup the budget. God, everyone is just missing the point of this film!

Almost every aspect of this fine movie was making a statement. For example, the “Enchanted,” costume tells us via hugely overpuffed shoulders that the inflation of our society’s egos were simply ridiculous and that our constant attempts to appear more attractive often end up simply being cumbersome and sometimes just look unnatural and absurd anyway – take botched plastic surgeries. Or the fight between “Carrie,” and “Juno.” Geez, a fight between a upper-class high-fashion New Yorker and a pregnant teenager. Sound like a class war much?

The acting, script, cinematography – all beautiful. If there wasn’t such prejudice against comedies, I’d expect this to win multiple Oscars. If it doesn’t at least get nominated, I’ll be sure to be outside protesting.

On the other hand, I love Disaster Movie [obviously] and am planning to see it at least three more times. And get the DVD, of course. I hadn’t seen Date Movie, Epic Movie, or Meet The Spartans before because everyone said they were so bad, but now I’ll have to get those DVDs too and check them out. Based on this one and it’s reception, I suspect they are also highly underrated.

*Frankenfish isn’t actually a parody at all, it’s just a really crappy movie. But the premises are similar enough that if you think of it as a parody of Jaws, it works well enough.

**Slither is a parody, and it’s my favourite comedy, just because I don’t want anyone thinking that I don’t love it like a fuzzy puppy.

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Ghost Whisperer: Melinda tortures MiniMelinda.

August 29, 2008 at 2:01 pm (tv review) (, )

Before I start, I just wanna say; if you’re a fan of Ghost Whisperer and found this none-too-kind post while googling it or something, go ahead and defend it in a comment, I won’t block it or anything. It’d be nice to have a well reasoned argument for why you disagree, although just saying “You’re a jackass,” or something won’t really do much to convince me or anyone else of your case.

 

Okay, so Ghost Whisperer came back on this week. I didn’t catch the first part, but what I saw was snark-bait enough. Well and truly worthy of being the comeback episode. There was a little girl who could see the ghost of another kid, and Melinda was trying to convince her to help him – he didn’t like or trust Mel herself, he reasoned that she just wanted to get him to listen to her and do what she thought was good for him instead of helping him find his parents first like he wanted to do. What a smart kid. I don’t know how she handled him before he decided this, but that was exactly what she was trying to do to Ghost Whisperer Mini.

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Baghead and his Dollfaces play with Liv Tyler.

August 17, 2008 at 7:17 am (movies) (, , )

The Strangers just came out here. It was pretty good. I’d kinda like to see it again with an audience that enjoyed it more and reacted more to see if it scares me even more under those circumstances, but there are other things to see and I’ve only gone to The Dark Knight once, so priorities, you know?

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I automatically hate this movie.

August 10, 2008 at 6:27 am (movies) (, )

The Mummy Returns is my favourite guilty pleasure, if I am correct in thinking that watching something to laugh at how bad it is doesn’t count as one. I know most people prefer the first one, which I agree is the better movie, but you know, we’re talking about guilty pleasures here, so as long as it’s not horrible.. So I can get over the misplaced landmarks, ridiculous sunrise, and flimsy-at-best plot in return for some really fun new kinds of monster, the more casual tone, and Alex annoying the hell out of his guard.

 

If you haven’t already guessed this by the title, I will not be going to see the third. Even before reviews came out, there were a few things that tipped me off that this was going to be a suckfest.

 

It was in China. And that means:

No scarab beetles.

No Imotep.

No Ardeth Bay

Or any of the other Medjai.

Booooooo! Hoooooooooooooo!

 

Alex was all grown up. First of all, he’s being played by someone a mere 13 years younger than Brendan Fraser, who did not look 13 in The Mummy. And well, it was a change from something I liked. They’re changing most of the things I liked, which is a huge problem, because guilty pleasures are always on a tightrope, somehow having a charm about them that overcomes their bad quality to the viewer [in this case, me.] They don’t want to do anything that compromises that charm, such as changing all the good parts of the previous movie.

 

They recast Evie. There are cases where the recasts are pretty much okay, mostly in franchises when the recasts are a given [Batman, for example] but otherwise, they’re usually quite jarring – especially if you liked the old actor, as I did –  and are often associated with Jumping The Shark. Furthermore Rachel says she couldn’t be in the third film because she had other films going on, and I guess the studio wasn’t willing to wait. To me that says that they’re in a rush to get the movie out and are willing to take shortcuts to do it.

 

But there’s one thing that’s a big huge flashing neon sign shouting, “Stay away, I suck!” from the rooftops. One thing that made me swear I would never watch this movie, ever.

 

It’s written by Al Gough and Miles Miller, the guys who ran Smallville for seven years.

 

Lets all be thankful they didn’t find a way to put Lana Lang into the movie.

Next up, The House Bunny.

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Pushing Daisies Season 2 trailer.

August 6, 2008 at 12:07 pm (tv misc) ()

It’s awesome. It’s not very clear what exactly is going on a lot of the time, but it’s still awesome.

My favourite parts are the clowns, corpses, clown corpses [in a car] a cannonball man going through a window, a circus which explains the clowns and the cannonball man, bees, bee corpses, a corpse caused by bee stings with bees coming out of it’s mouth and covering the camera*, a guy with a butcher knife, nuns, a fake nun, a nun kissing Butcher knife guy, Broadway nuns, a Broadway nun in an eyepatch, Broadway nuns doing what looks to be a homage to The Sound Of Music, a floating Broadway nun, a Broadway nun getting chased by a priest, a Broadway nun and the fake nun getting bowled over by one of those giant bell things, a nun corpse [of course] a secret revolving wall, a pig named Pigby, Missi Pyle, a fake hump that is really a person [Chuck?], and these lines:

“I have something to say, and I’m going to say it to you, you, you, and your hump!”

“I’m sorry about your loss. And I do accept credit cards.”

“OH, HEELLLL NO!”

“I wake pies and make the dead… That was creepy.”

“Ooh, conspricies. How dramatic.”

*That bit actually really scares me. I used to like bees, then I was in a swarm when I was twelve, now I’m scared of them. But I still like them when they’re not near me, and they’ve been one of the many things I’m looking forward to when Channel Nine finally decides to start the show in Australia, but dude, bees coming out of a stung-to-death corpse and covering the camera? Cannot like them from a distance when they’re doing that. It’s too freaky. But still cool.

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Harry Potter trailer.

July 31, 2008 at 3:54 am (movies) (, )

The teaser trailer for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is officially up! Dundundundundun!

IMO it was fairly good, as cool as it was to see WeeVoldy, I could have done with a bit less of him and a bit more of other stuff.

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Dr Horrible

July 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm (misc.) (, , , , )

I previously posted on webisode musical Dr Horrible’s Sing A Long Blog and why it was so cool. The second act is even better, but maybe it’s time for a different tack. Here’s what other people think of Dr Horrible. If it gets you interested, you can watch the actual thing here. Remember, they’re taking it down after this weekend, so act fast.

Television Without Pity staff member has joined the cult of Joss Whedon. This is the one who normally hates musicals, btw. Just so you know.

In fact, it’s so good they decided to recap it despite it not really being a TV show.

It’s No.1 on iTunes and was on the front page of the LA Times site.

The LA Times also gave a review.

Kristin on E! tells y’all that you will cry if you miss it.

Another glowing review from the TV Guide.

I haven’t seen a single negative review. Everyone thinks it’s fantastic.

Trailer

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