Ghost Whisperer: Melinda tortures MiniMelinda.

August 29, 2008 at 2:01 pm (tv review) (, )

Before I start, I just wanna say; if you’re a fan of Ghost Whisperer and found this none-too-kind post while googling it or something, go ahead and defend it in a comment, I won’t block it or anything. It’d be nice to have a well reasoned argument for why you disagree, although just saying “You’re a jackass,” or something won’t really do much to convince me or anyone else of your case.


Okay, so Ghost Whisperer came back on this week. I didn’t catch the first part, but what I saw was snark-bait enough. Well and truly worthy of being the comeback episode. There was a little girl who could see the ghost of another kid, and Melinda was trying to convince her to help him – he didn’t like or trust Mel herself, he reasoned that she just wanted to get him to listen to her and do what she thought was good for him instead of helping him find his parents first like he wanted to do. What a smart kid. I don’t know how she handled him before he decided this, but that was exactly what she was trying to do to Ghost Whisperer Mini.

  Read the rest of this entry »


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Smallville likes gum. And product placement.

March 16, 2008 at 7:07 am (tv review) (, , )

So, in the latest episode of Smallville [Hero] Clark’s old buddy Pete returned to his hometown and got superpowers. But the whole thing was really just one long commericial for a brand of chewing gum. Anyway, at one point Jimmy was going to interview Pete about his powers, but it didn’t go ahead. Given the extreme amount of product placement in the episode, this is how I imagine the interview would have gone. Enjoy.

Jimmy: Could you describe your power a little?
Pete: Sure man, I can stretch my limbs way out, just like Stride Gum!
Jimmy: Or elastic?
Pete: Or Stride Gum!
Jimmy: Um, okay. How did you get this power?
Pete: I got it by chewing Stride Gum! Stride Gum has such long-lasting flavor, it gives you superpowers!
Jimmy: So does that mean you taste like gum now or something?
Pete: Yeah, I bet I’ve got a long-lasting minty-fresh tang, just like Stride Gum!
Jimmy: Uh huuhhh. What do you plan to do with this power?
Pete: Well, now I can get to the nearest 7-11 three times as fast, so I won’t have to go as long without Stride Gum!
Jimmy: Right. You saved Kara Kent’s life the other night. Why don’t you tell us about that?
Pete: So I’m a roadie for some suck-ass band which somehow was fortunate to get a gig at the old Stride Gum factory. I was enjoying some Stride Gum, when suddenly I saw some equipment coming loose from the ceiling. They should have used Stride Gum to stick it up there. And then I saw there was a hot chick [she probably chews Stride Gum] beneath the falling equipment. So I thought of Stride Gum, and found it within myself to reach out and pull her back from about ten metres away. Stride Gum gave me the power to save her life!
Jimmy: That’s it, I’m done. The first meteor freak who’s willing to be interviewed, and he turns the whole damn thing into a pimpfest for some crappy gum.
Pete: Hey-
Jimmy: I just can’t take this shit. Fuck you, fuck this, and most of all, fuck Stride Gum. God, I need a drink.
Pete: Can you call me Strideman in the article?
Jimmy: NO!

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Jericho review; 2×04 Oversight

March 9, 2008 at 3:19 pm (tv review) (, )

Duuude. The fourth episode of Jericho? Ab fab. The town has, by this stage, realized that the new government is not so interested in a fair and united country. As in, they are ruining the economy to gain power. They set fixed prices, but charge heaps for stock, it’s been made illegal to buy supplies from anyone else… How does Jericho respond? Everybody picks up their game. Except Stanley, who was having one of his “dumb,” moments again, and doesn’t get how serious things are. 

But everybody else was well and truly doing their part. Even Dale was helping independent businesses by smuggling stuff in. It’s not a charity, it helps him too, but major improvement. Mary flirts with all the soldiers at her bar to gain intel and convince them to overlook smuggling shipments. Emily gives history lessons in public, or something. But the three main storylines this week were about Dale getting arrested for the aforementioned smuggling, and Hawkins trying to keep his “package,” secret. The bomb kind of package, naturally. And, of course, Mimi keeping an independent ledger to check against J&Rs for inconsistencies and spotting one of $10000.

Something I found interesting is that Bill put his life on the line to help Dale. Sure, Jake did too, but that’s par for the course, and Stanley doing so was no huge surprise either. But Bill’s generally the violent idiot, not the guy who saves people. Maybe they’ve decided to improve him a little, the way they did for Gray after he became Mayor. 

The mysterious voice on the phone reckons he knows everything and calls himself “John Smith.” Oh great, a fucking Dead Zone crossover. The perfect idea to get Jericho cancelled. Stephen King is cool, but the TV show? Ugh. He Of The Psychic And Supremely Annoying told Hawkins he’ll get caught unless he can get a certain sheet of paper from Beck’s office, from a radiation scan sensitive enough to pick up the nuclear bomb in the basement. Heather is the only non-military person who can enter that office, so Jake figures they should ask her to do it. But it’s not as simple as that, she’s smart [Jake’s words, not mine, squee] so they’ll have to tell her that some shit is up. Double squee. Wisely, they don’t tell her exactly, because Hawkins saying “I have one of the bombs in my house,” was far more likely to convince her to go tell that to Beck than to help him cover it up. But they do tell her that the government is lying about who did the attacks, and she’s heard enough to know that Hawkins is not just a cop from LA, and they say what the paper is. Unfortunetly, Hawkins also gave the impression that if the government would murder her if it caught her doing this. The whole scene where she steals the paper is done from her perspective, so it’s extremely tense. The music is tense, there’s a lot of her looking nervous and glancing around.  

This was very well done, I have to say. It’s like, being murdered to cover up an evil government conspiracy is a risk that Hawkins and Jake are under all the time, they’ve gotten used to it. Heather, being a normal person, reminds us of how unusual the other two are. Darcy really didn’t, because she would have lied for years about her husband/ex-husbands occupation, then had to fake her identity, not to mention probably just picked up some “How to be a good spy,” tricks from Hawkins simply by living with him. Heather isn’t a spy, doesn’t have close contact with a spy, and has generally been a pretty open and honest person. So she is naturally totally unprepared, and shows us what happens when someone average is dropped into this kind of stuff, instead of covert CIA agents or the prodigal son who went to Iraq. And who knows, maybe she’ll become more used to it if her involvement in the A-team continues. Which would be fascinating to watch. Oh and one small note; knowing it’s a radiation scan, if she takes a look at it next episode, she’ll see there’s a very heavy source of radiation at Hawkin’s place. 

So finally we come to Mimi and the ledger. So sad, you guys. Goetz was the one embezzling, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep from getting found out. In this case, that means he’s willing to take a bunch of Ravenwood guys, with guns, and go to the Richmond house. Stanley wasn’t home, but Mimi and Bonnie were. Ravenwood came inside. Mimi ran into the pantry, thinking Bonnie was right behind her, and almost immedietly got shot in the torso by a stray Ravenwood bullet. Bonnie had instead opted for a shotgun. Like the scene with Heather earlier, this was done from her perspective, only it’s more obvious this time because we hear her heartbeat and breathing. It was a wise choice not to use that before IMO, as it would have lessened the impact of it for this scene. Due to Bonnie’s deafness, the only other sound we heard were the muffled booms of the gunplay. She was looking at the shadows to see where the bastards are going to be, and managed to get three or four of them, so she totally had the “die in a blaze of glory,” thing going. But then Goetz came through the door – of course it had to be Goetz – and we switched back to Mimi on the pantry floor as three more shots rang out, and then silence. She dragged herself up to look through a bullet hole, and can’t see anyone. Then she collapsed completely. This was a bloody excellent scene on so many levels. Alicia Coppola [Mimi] was great, so was DB Sweeney [Goetz]. But best of all was Shoshannah Stern, who went out in as much a blaze of glory as her character. *sniffles* 

So Johnny Smith next tells Hawkins that Project Boxcar was a worst-case scenario plan designed by J&R, designed to warn the US. Instead someone got hold of it and acted it out. You mean someone like… Valente? Really, is this a surprise to anyone? Oh, and Johnny doesn’t think Hawkins is ready to hear the truth of his psychic powers yet, so he instead claims that he helped write the plan. Sure, Johnny, sure. Now, either tell me next week’s winning lottery numbers or shut the hell up. 

The last scene is just as bloody excellent as the one before it. This one is from Jake’s perspective. This episode is all about perspective. There were even a couple of Goetz POV shots in there. This was in slow motion here. Some girl was singing a sad song that’s apparently called “Nine Crimes,” and we couldn’t here anything else. A car drove up at the Richmond farm, and Jake got out. He was walking all tall and strong and heroic, yet resigned, while behind him Bill scrambles around the car as though he could still stop what had already happened. We got this absolutely perfect Jake POV shot of a non-J&R ambulance on one side of the door, and Eric on the other side looking solemn, regretful, and even more resigned to the too-lateness than Jake was.  So then Jake went in, and he saw Mimi unconscious on a stretcher with an oxegen mask and a paramedic. I’m really glad Mimi was found, though. As bad as things are, they would be much worse if she wasn’t. Like, not just that she would have died too, but that she would have died mere feet away from them, simply because no one could find her or felt like some peanuts. Okay, so anyway, the next thing we saw was Stanley cradling Bonnie. Jake’s eyes widened, and everybody looked like throwing up, and Stanley raised his head. He really didn’t look like he usually does. His face was really red and ruddy and blotchy, and it was very effective. Also, I think he may be over his dumb moment and ready for a revolution. Though hopefully not onto another dumb moment where he tries to get revenge the Green Boys way.

Fucking excellent episode. But after that patch of pitch-black darkness at the end, the next episode better have a little bit of lightness in it. Not like Pushing Daises or anything, just as a teensy subplot or whatever, but it really needs to have Jimmy bumbling around a little, or Gray, or Sam Hawkins can be all adorable, or someone can kill Goetz which by this stage counts as comic relief. Shit, I’ll even settle for Emily if it means some light fluff.

Oh, and I found a vid for y’all who haven’t seen the episode to watch the two bloody excellent scenes of Bonnie’s death.

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Is it just me or does “student whisperer,” sound dirty?

January 23, 2008 at 3:09 pm (tv review) (, )

Ghost Whisperer review. 

I saw the description for an episode of Ghost Whisperer, and it said it woud be another episode about high school. Good sign! Also, Melinda will get involced in the high school’s little drama of gossip and romance. Better sign! I simply couldn’t wait to see how Melinda handles this one. It promised to be one of the most craptacular episodes yet.


Unfortunetly, that turned out not to be so, because she didn’t actually get personally involved so much, unlike last time. Not to mention it was one of the least Melinda-focused episodes I’ve seen yet. This show is more focused on one character than any show I’ve ever seen, but this particular episode was more about Ned, and he doesn’t bring the craptacular like Melinda does. But there was a little low-quality goodness, near the end there was cheesy inspirational music, and cheesy “touching,” lines from Melinda and the ghost. As a matter of fact, the ghost even said “I wanted her to change. But I was the one who needed to change.” Duuuude. Who smoked pot and decided to steal dialogue from after-school specials?


Ned was replaced by a different actor. He is now older, taller, hotter, sweeter, less selfish and less bratty. Seriously, it’s the total Ned makeover, and I like it. He’s such a nice guy now. He was being helpful whenever he could, with the ghost and at the shop. But so far it doesn’t feel contrived, like Melinda’s OTT kindness and helpfulness does sometimes. I think Ned’s my new fictional boyfriend. [I’m 16, so no, I’m not a cradle-stealer.] At one point he was wearing ¾ sleeves, which as it turns out look stupendously terrible on a guy, but it was only for one scene, so I can forgive him for that.


One scene I liked was when Delia was all weird as Ned told her how the ghost thing wrapped up, and went down to the basement. Ned follows her, and she says how proud she is of him, blahblahblahproudcakes. Delia: “Your sweet, beautiful neck. I used to kiss it when I put you to bed.” At this point I have to pause it, and laugh ‘till I cry. When I finally unpause it, Ned looks extremely weirded out, and who can blame him? Then it actually gets good as she tells him that was a second ago, she’s so happy he turned into such a great man, ect. Who knew that one scene could be so laughably, likably bad and then so good? And did Melinda’s shop always have a basement? I know it has had one in other episodes this season, but I cannot remember it in the first two seasons. Methinks they put it in so they could have the shop be the hidden entrance to the super secret town hidden under Grandview. Hmm.


An oddity this episode was that from what we saw, every one of the living kids we met was a kind and lovely person. The ghost was maybe not quite so lovely, but they very rarely are. Often they try to kill someone, because they’re “confused.” This guy didn’t try to kill anyone. He turned off the lights in the gym, wrote “34 + GF = DEATH on the school scoreboard, put a bat in a bat-lovers car, and then locked the door, not holding the locks down, so it took her about two extra seconds to scramble out of the car. This was his revenge to the people who killed him. After Melinda pissed him off, he got a whole lot of bats to swarm her for a few seconds, then taped her talking to “no one,” and sent it to a blogger. In short, this ghost was less menacing than Pushing Daisies.


The blogger he emailed it to was set up as some kind of stalker. I thought they’d already had that episode, but whatever. We know he’s a creep and a threat mostly because Melinda was acting so cold to him. Whatever, he figured out she talks to ghosts, he’s going to keep it a secret but he wants to call in the favour at some point. Now, if you were a guy, and a creepy stalkery guy, and Jennifer Love Hewitt owed you a favour, what way would you choose for her to repay her? Personally my answer would be the same as it is as a hopefully not creepy or stalkery girl: Never sing again. But I assume this asshole has never heard her sing. You get the idea. Melinda’s reaction should be funny to see.


And finally, a small sample of the stupid things Melinda did this episode.

Wore about five times as much eyeshadow as she should. She looked like a raccoon or something.

Heard a noise and decided to stop and wait to see what it was. In the middle of the road. She’s lucky it wasn’t a car.

Went off at Payne for having notes on her abilities. Because apparently someone is more likely to steal his notes – which happened – and get past the encryptions – which the thief couldn’t – and expose her publicly than someone she’s told – which happens every week – to expose her publicly.

Thought a touchdown is a basketball term. Apparently she’s has never watched sport, attended PE, been to a movie or watched TV.

Said that it was a bad idea for Ned to tell Lucy about her brother’s ghost without proof. Which isn’t stupid. No, the stupid part is that she then told Lucy about her brother’s ghost without proof, and she’s told someone about their dead loved one’s ghost without proof about a million times already, and next week she’ll tell someone about their dead loved one’s ghost without proof, I’ll bet.

Didn’t wash the dye out of her hair yet. It really looked so much better when it was a darker shade of brown.

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TV review: Ghost Whisperer.

December 6, 2007 at 10:55 pm (tv review) (, )

This one is quite late in coming, so I’d better get started. Okay, to sum up this episode, Melinda saw a bloke talking to a ghost and realised he has “the gift.” She then spotted him out in the town square. So they had a couple of chats, he was in a mental institution for ten years or so, she found out he’s evil and wants to make the dead stronger than the living.

For Ghost Whisperer, this was actually alright. I wouldn’t call it good, but it was okay. However, were Melinda able to read this, I would offer her some tips:

  1. It’s not classy to show more boob than Pamela Anderson at a funeral. No, not even if the corpse is dressed in a jacked over a fancy bra. But if you want to meet the person who dressed her, just look for the guy who’s staring at your massive Pamela Anderson cleavage throughout the whole ceremony. I know, given the size of the twins, I’ll need to be a bit more specific. He’s the one who fainted when he saw them.
  2. If you find a guy who can also talk to ghosts, don’t think the worst of him without knowing him at all. And don’t act all cold to him when he’s a guest in your home and seems like a totally nice guy. No, I don’t care if you think it’s suspicious, he could say the same about you.
  3. But if you are suspicious of a guy, don’t go off alone with him to a dark deserted place. Take Jim. Take Payne. Take Delia. Go during daylight, at least. Take some mace. Take a tazer. Any of these would be a good idea.
  4. If you are even more suspicious of a guy than you were before and have evidence that there’s something off about him, then don’t get in your car, alone, follow him home, and enter said home, alone. Especially not when you know he’s home. They should just show Ghost Whisperer in women’s safety classes as a guideline on what not to do.
  5. Don’t try to cross ghosts over while driving. Maybe they should show Ghost Whisperer as the what-not-to-do guide in traffic school too… Or at least if John Edward, James Van Praagh or Colin Fry are in the class.

 I don’t know what’s going on with Romano’s ghosts. They went with him, and supposedly changed and became like him, but now they’re back to normal. They can even cross over if they want to, apparently. So yeah, Romano is not so much the Big Bad he was made out to be, more the Small Naughty.

Melinda shrieky scenes! We haven’t been getting enough of them lately. They’re always unintentionally the funniest part of my night.

The bit where Mel and Co. found the room full of photos of her was actually creepy. Hardly original, but it was creepy for at least three seconds. New record! Although I was kind of distracted ‘cause I was thinking that Al and Miles [showrunners of Smallville] probably have similar rooms in their houses with pictures of Lana.

The thing where Payne wouldn’t forgive his wife – I understand if he can’t forgive her, but he should have lied. He should have said it for her, so she could cross over. BTW, it was pretty stupid how one minute his wife was all crying and sad and sorry and nice, and then the next she’s gone all evil bitchy ghost.

So concludes the review. They’re not really reviews, are they? More collections of thoughts about the show. Oh well, “review,” is quicker to type.

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