I want to be English today.

November 9, 2008 at 3:11 am (misc., movies) (, , , , )

The choice of TV and movies in Australia sucks hard. For a start, most programs and movies start airing here long after they have in the States. More importantly, quite a bit of stuff just doesn’t get released here, period. That “limited release,” thing? Either I’m going to the wrong cinemas, or we just don’t have that here. So practically everything you get in limited release doesn’t arrive Down Under at all.

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Twilight parodies! Whee!

September 19, 2008 at 3:24 pm (misc.) (, , , , , )


 If you have no idea what Twilight is, you can look it up on Wikipedia or go to the post right before this one.

Ahem. These are both based on the excerpt of New Moon [haven’t read the book] that was at the back of Twilight. Bella had a nightmare where she was old and Edward was young, Bella was miserable because now she was18 and Edward was 104 17, Bella went to the Cullen’s house for her fantabulous Alice-prepared party and was an ungrateful little turd [heeee] about it, Bella got a paper cut and Jasper was unable to restrain himself and tried to attack her only to be stopped by Edward who also threw her out of the way into a bunch of crystal plates so she got even more cut up, like nice work, perfect boy. Now, parodies.


Okay, so the first one here is based on the “what if?” thought that Rosalie saw her opportunity to get rid of a problem and took it.


Rosalie: Wow, Edward, I am so sorry that I ran past you and Jasper and ate Bella. I know, I thought I had better control too. It’s very upsetting, I really got to like her in the eight seconds since I’d thought about my seething hatred. Oh, and you were right by the way, she does taste excellent. Like a tender cut of prime rump, with some sort of delicious sauce – it was a little disconcerting that she still smelled of freesia, like I was eating flowers made of meat.

*licks finger as Edward sobs*

Mmm… disconcerting but delectable.

*wiggling her bloody digits under Edward’s nose*

Maybe you could have a taste, so the deliciousness could cheer you up. Come on, please don’t be like that. It’s not like it can make her any deader, so no harm done. Alright, you have it your way Mr Sulky. Huh, look, there’s a bright side – we won’t have to worry about the bloodstains, not with Jasper there sucking them all out of the carpet. Isn’t that nice, Edward? You won’t have to look at the remains of your pathetic human girlfriend every day? You should make sure you thank Jasper for that. Oh, hello Esme. Um, I’ve been trying to comfort Edward but he just won’t stop making sobbing sounds, it’s very annoying. Could you take over? Thanks, I need to go immortalize this day in my diary, maybe have hot “I just snacked on my brother’s girlfriend,” sex with Emmett… I hear that’s the best kind.




This one is supposed to be the conversation she and Edward had on the drive to his house. And I really don’t have anything against old people, don’t take their views as my own or come after me with wiffle-ball bats, ‘kay?


Bella: Oh Edward, I had the most horrible nightmare.

Edward: Mmm?

Bella: I was there, and you were there, and I was OLD! I had white hair! And wrinkles! And a stoop!

Edward: Well, that’s a long time away…

Bella: That’s what they want you to think! I woke up and looked in the mirror, and I had all these big age spots. It was awful!

Edward: Uh, I didn’t want to tell you, but those are pimples, sweetheart. They’re… enourmous.

Bella: *ignoring him*…And I was thinking, you don’t have any age spots and you’re never going to get any! We’ll be like TomKat magnified! Of course, I don’t mind the micromanaging and possessiveness, but the age difference is so gross!

Edward: Thaaanks.

Bella: But you don’t look it! No one scratches their eyes out when we make out in public!

Edward: We don’t make out. Ever. You faint or attack me when I peck you, if we tried making out we’d get four seconds in before you stab me with a kitchen knife and go into cardiac arrest.

Bella: It doesn’t matter! How will I feel knowing that you are not just hundreds, but millions of times more beautiful than I am?

Edward: Avoid reflective surfaces?

Bella: Please be serious and help me!
Edward: Well then, do you think you’ll still smell of freesia when you’re old?
Bella: Probably more like knitting and dentures. *sobs*

Edward: What would you say the chances are of me being able to read your mind by then?
Bella: *in “gush” mode* Oh Edward, I’m sure you’ll have figured it out by then, because you’re my brilliant talented perfect angelic godlike superpowered boyfriend.

Edward: That’s sweet, and I’ve solved your problem.
Bella: You have? See, that’s what I mean! You are so brilliant and talented and perfect and angelic and godlike and superpowered!

Edward: Yes, I know. Now, we’ve established that by the time you’re elderly, you’ll have lost your enticing freesia-scented goodness and your resistance to my mind-reading that so arouses my curiousity, and your looks, yes?

Bella: *quietly* Yes…

Edward: Then you won’t have anything to hold my everlasting love any longer! I’ll take right off when you hit forty-five, problem solved!

Bella: *gaping* Yo- you’ll leave?! Can’t you love my personality or something?
Edward: You have a personality?
Bella: I don’t know, just assuming I do, then…

Edward: …Then that “loving someone for what’s on the inside,” stuff will still be falsities made up by ugly people who were probably old themselves. Loving someone for their personality – Bella, I thought you understood that was all nonsense.

Bella: *sighs* You’re right, I was just grasping at straws. Sorry.

Edward: That’s quite all right.

Bella: No, it isn’t all right. I love you because of your dazzling beauty and voice that sounds like honey would if spreads could talk – it’s not fair to expect you to achieve the impossible. When I reach forty-five, you go. I’ve worked out a perfectly viable life plan to deal with the situation.

Edward: Let’s hear it then.

Bella: I’ll simultaneously become a crazy cat lady and go into a zombie-like state. Like someone who throws cats at people and then eats their brains while they’re distracted.



Edward: I say, can’t you turn on the damn darn radio or something?



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Twilight: Hee, heh, haha, now let’s get all intellectual and shit.

September 15, 2008 at 2:48 pm (misc.) (, , , , , , )

Yeah, I know, it’s a really weird title.


So there’s this book series called Twilight that is touted as the next Harry Potter. Which is kind of true, now that HP’s done, these are the immensely popular fantasy books, although their audience is mostly female and they aren’t nearly as popular with the geek crowd.


For people who don’t know much about it, there’s this girl called Bella Swan [yes, author Stephanie Meyer did just call her main character Beautiful Swan, snerk] who moves to a rainy little town to live with her estranged father. There, she finds everything totally boring and subpar except for a ridiculously attractive boy called Edward and on a lesser level, his ridiculously attractive family. Who all turn out to be vampires, because apart from giving them heaps of superpowers, vamping makes someone amazingly beautiful – where can I sign up for this? Of course, they’re good vampires who feed only on animal blood and glitter like a little girl’s fairy doll – I am not making that up, I swear to god. Anyway, Bella and Edward then engage in Twu Luv 4eva and eva and eva. And also angst about a lot.


Now, for whatever reason, these books have the amazing gift of causing hilarious parodies and really interesting discussion. So, here’s the best stuff I’ve found, in my order of preference.

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Dr Horrible

July 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm (misc.) (, , , , )

I previously posted on webisode musical Dr Horrible’s Sing A Long Blog and why it was so cool. The second act is even better, but maybe it’s time for a different tack. Here’s what other people think of Dr Horrible. If it gets you interested, you can watch the actual thing here. Remember, they’re taking it down after this weekend, so act fast.

Television Without Pity staff member has joined the cult of Joss Whedon. This is the one who normally hates musicals, btw. Just so you know.

In fact, it’s so good they decided to recap it despite it not really being a TV show.

It’s No.1 on iTunes and was on the front page of the LA Times site.

The LA Times also gave a review.

Kristin on E! tells y’all that you will cry if you miss it.

Another glowing review from the TV Guide.

I haven’t seen a single negative review. Everyone thinks it’s fantastic.


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Dr Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog – Act 1.

July 16, 2008 at 7:42 am (misc.) (, , , , , )

I watched Dr Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog! Act 1! I couldn’t watch it as early as I’d have liked since I had school and the video wouldn’t work there – I was trying all through tutorial. But I got home and watched it, and now I’ve seen it! Because it’s a musical starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion! Written by Joss Whedon, who is my absolute god of television! Yaaaaaaaayyyy!

Okay. The first few minutes could have been a little funnier, I think, but things really pick up when Captain Hammer gets mentioned. That’s when Dr Horrible switches from being cute to being very cute. Then he reads an article asking who this girl he always talks about is, and he switches from being very cute to making a bunch of baby animals [ones rolling about in a field of flowers, no less] look like Micheal Jackson’s face, or a Brenda pet. As awesome as he is on How I Met Your Mother, my love for Neil Patrick Harris just doubled.

Oh, and that’s when the singing starts too. The songs are very catchy, the leads have pleasant voices that mesh well with each other,  and all three of them are good at conveying emotion through the singing – particularly NPH. It’s the first time I’ve seen Nathan Fillion playing a jerk, and he does it like a champ. Felicia Day is pretty cute herself and a very good singer. Overall it was a very enjoyable experience. I was worried for those first few minutes that it wouldn’t live up to my expectations, but it definetly made up for that later. I am so getting the DVDs.

Check it out at www.drhorrible.com. Comment your thoughts away below, or put it in your own blog [though please post the link in the comments if you that, I really wanna see what you guys thought] whatever makes you happy.

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Dr Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog.

June 30, 2008 at 1:09 am (misc.) (, , , , )

There’s this thing coming out, a series of webisodes which I must find some way to watch at all costs. It’s about an evil mastermind called Dr Horrible, the hero who beats him up, and the girl at the laundromat who he has trouble talking to. How I Met Your Mother’s Neil Patrick Harris is Dr Horrible, Nathan Fillion of Firefly and Slither is the hero, and the girl’s played by someone called Felicia Day, I’ve never seen her in anything but she was on Buffy in Season Seven. Did I mention it’s a musical? Written by Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Firefly? No?

Well, I love musicals, and Joss Whedon, and Nathan Fillion, and Neil Patrick Harris… In short, squeeeeeeecan’twait!!!

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Home On The Strange.

June 3, 2008 at 2:17 am (misc.) ()

I discovered webcomics about a week ago. Prior to this, the only comics I’d ever read were the ones in the newspaper and Garfield Minus Garfield. I’ve looked at about five popular ones, but Home On The Strange is so far my favourite. It’s about a bunch of pop-culture nerds doing stuff. It parodies nerd culture, and teaches about it to folks who didn’t already know. I had no idea that the term “role-playing,” existed outside video games before this comic.

It’s not as funny as GMG, but the characters are fun, and they actually evolve and change over time, and they have layers and stuff. Also, unlike the ones in the newspaper, this comic is aware that sex exists. It’s just PG-13, but occasionally the jokes involve it. And immature though it may be, that makes it funnier.

Check it out.

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Garfield minus Garfield equals genuis.

May 22, 2008 at 5:07 pm (misc.) (, , )

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, exams are starting next week so I don’t have a lot of time.

Anyway, you know Garfield? It turns out that it actually improves when you remove the titular character. To still make sense would be unusual, but now it’s funnier and yet also horribly depressing, and just so very very good. See it here.

Enjoy the comic, everyone.

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TVtropes and The Wuthering Heights Song.

April 29, 2008 at 1:57 pm (misc.)

I found two new and interesting things today. While waiting for a tram I was talking to a friend of my brothers, I told him about the Nostalgia Critic’s hilariously horrified reviews of Pokemon: The Movie and Space Jam, and in return he told me about a website called tvtropes.org. It’s really cool, all about commonly used story elements [or “tropes”] in different media. It has so many, it would almost certainly be impossible to creat a story without any of them. You can just look up whatever show, movie, book or comic you enjoy, and see a list of trope it has, with links to the definition of that trope, and examples. Or you can look up different kinds of tropes. One of my favourites was the Epileptic Tree trope, and the Magnificent Bastard trope since that is Television Without Pity’s nickname for the pre-redeemed Lionel, and they even state in the definition/entry that it was TWoP who made the trope popular. SQUEE! Oh, and they hate Lana too.


Now for The Wuthering Heights Song. Me and a friend of mine are taking the same Literature class, and we’re currently studying Wuthering Heights. Anyway, today my friend showed me a video on Youtube, of a woman performing a song she’d written herself after reading Wuthering Heights. Which doesn’t sound so monumentous, except then it turned out to be TERRIFYING. Her weird dance, her crazy eyes that she keeps fixed directly on the camera and keeps widening to an alarming degree… I was half-covering my eyes and making scared squeaky sounds.


Apparently this woman is popular in Britain or something, so if you are a fan of her and reading this, try to understand my point-of-view here before you judge. I wasn’t around when she made this, I haven’t experienced whatever other freaky weird song & dances were around then. I have never seen her perform before, nor anyone remotely similar, so I was not eased into this. OF COURSE I’m going to find this scary. It probably doesn’t help that this version is apparently the scariest of her performances of the song. And for the record, I think she is both a good dancer and singer. Just a frightening one.

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December 4, 2007 at 3:35 am (misc.)

I’m Dale and this is my blog. It’s going to be about reviewing TV and sometimes movies.

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