C Me Dance – A trailer so unbelievably shitty, you HAVE to watch it.

April 12, 2009 at 12:46 pm (movies) (, )

Seriously. Just look at it. I had to check three movie websites before I could be convinced it was neither an intentionally so-bad-it’s-funny movie nor a joke trailer. I mean, it’s presented by Uplifting Entertainment, for God’s sake! Oh, right, better not use the Lord’s name in vain. It’s presented by Uplifting Entertainment, for fuck’s sake!

But it is a real movie, it isn’t supposed to be bad or funny at all, and it really is presented by this “Uplifting Entertainment.” Okay, let’s break it down.

1. How awful is the acting? My favourite part is when she blankly stares straight into the camera and says “It’s… Him.” Dear Unnamed Deity, could someone teach this girl how to deliver her lines with something resembling proper emotion? She sounds like she’s reading them straight off a card.

2. The plot.  So there’s this girl, and she loves dancing, and then she gets cancer, and then she’s been chosen by God and can make people get visions of Jesus, and she uses this to start converting everyone, and then this pisses off the devil, and so he comes  after her, and it turns into a horror movie, and her dad fistfights Satan on the lawn, and then she fights Satan off herself with The Power Of Ballet. And then, hopefully, dies.

See, I just can’t see how this got any sort of backing. If director/producer/writer/actor Greg Robbins had come to me looking for any help on this idea, I would have either thought he was high as a kite, or started backing away from the crazy man.

3. The captions. Okay, to get them all together: A GENTLE ART… FROM A GENTLE SOUL… WILL CHANGE HEARTS… WITH A SINGLE TOUCH… WILL FACE EVIL.

Not only is it sappy and cliche-ridden, it doesn’t even make sense. That they couldn’t even make the freaking captions in the trailer make sense is a simple, stupid mistake I haven’t seen on that scale onscreen since I watched “Manos” The Hands Of Fate, wherein they forgot the opening credits to the movie.

4. The direction. You know what the way this movie is shot resembles? It looks like a crappy student film. I saw a lot of student films a couple of weeks ago, and this honestly was just the sort of direction the bad ones had.

 

I am just dying to see this. There are films that are so-bad-it’s-good, and then, once in a great while, there are films that are so-bad-it’s-fucking-legendary. This looks like it might be one of the rare cases of the latter.

Here’s the movie’s website, for anyone interested. This was my favourite part, from the synopsis page.

“Marketing Note: This movie is a chick flick with a manifested menacing devil. This will attract a wide demo of men and women.”

Riiiight. Sure it will. And also, what the fuck? Weirdest marketing note ever.

 

So, what did y’all think of the trailer? Did it blow your mind, with it’s amazing ability to suck beyond belief?

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