I automatically hate this movie.

August 10, 2008 at 6:27 am (movies) (, )

The Mummy Returns is my favourite guilty pleasure, if I am correct in thinking that watching something to laugh at how bad it is doesn’t count as one. I know most people prefer the first one, which I agree is the better movie, but you know, we’re talking about guilty pleasures here, so as long as it’s not horrible.. So I can get over the misplaced landmarks, ridiculous sunrise, and flimsy-at-best plot in return for some really fun new kinds of monster, the more casual tone, and Alex annoying the hell out of his guard.

 

If you haven’t already guessed this by the title, I will not be going to see the third. Even before reviews came out, there were a few things that tipped me off that this was going to be a suckfest.

 

It was in China. And that means:

No scarab beetles.

No Imotep.

No Ardeth Bay

Or any of the other Medjai.

Booooooo! Hoooooooooooooo!

 

Alex was all grown up. First of all, he’s being played by someone a mere 13 years younger than Brendan Fraser, who did not look 13 in The Mummy. And well, it was a change from something I liked. They’re changing most of the things I liked, which is a huge problem, because guilty pleasures are always on a tightrope, somehow having a charm about them that overcomes their bad quality to the viewer [in this case, me.] They don’t want to do anything that compromises that charm, such as changing all the good parts of the previous movie.

 

They recast Evie. There are cases where the recasts are pretty much okay, mostly in franchises when the recasts are a given [Batman, for example] but otherwise, they’re usually quite jarring – especially if you liked the old actor, as I did –  and are often associated with Jumping The Shark. Furthermore Rachel says she couldn’t be in the third film because she had other films going on, and I guess the studio wasn’t willing to wait. To me that says that they’re in a rush to get the movie out and are willing to take shortcuts to do it.

 

But there’s one thing that’s a big huge flashing neon sign shouting, “Stay away, I suck!” from the rooftops. One thing that made me swear I would never watch this movie, ever.

 

It’s written by Al Gough and Miles Miller, the guys who ran Smallville for seven years.

 

Lets all be thankful they didn’t find a way to put Lana Lang into the movie.

Next up, The House Bunny.

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