“Manos” The Hands of Aftermath. Or something.

June 30, 2008 at 7:48 am (movies) (, , )

So we’ve gone through what happened in the making of “Manos” The Hands of Fate, but what happened after it was finished?

 

-The township of El Paso was quite proud to have had an entire movie made there by one of it’s residents. “Manos” premiered at the local movie theatre. Important people such as the mayor went to see it on it’s first showing.

-Warren wanted the thing to feel more like a big Hollywood movie premiere and thought having limos drop the cast off would do the trick. Problem was, he didn’t have the cash to rent more than one limo, so he had it drop off couple at a time and then drive to the next block to get the next couple hidden there. I’m sure it made it feel really authentic, though.

-The movie began. A lot of the people involved in the movie didn’t know that the credits had been left out and thus the movie opens with 5-10 minutes of driving and nothing else. They started to get worried.

-Some of them didn’t know about the dubbing either, and got more worried. The little girl who played Debbie burst into tears upon hearing her character’s new voice.

-Halfway through the movie, the audience was laughing and catcalling the movie. Most of the cast and crew snuck out, one by one, to avoid being recognized and credited for the piece of shit inside. Some went straight to a bar, wisely.

-After everyone’s reactions to the movie, Warren approached several people with the idea of redubbing it to turn it into a comedy. They all refused. Despite the fact that the MST3K episode has done exactly that and is one of their most popular ever, I think turning him down was a good idea. Generally, bad comedies aren’t even fun to mock, and with Warren writing the redub script we would have a new version of “Manos” that would be pure torture regardless of whether it was on MST3K or not.

-It did have a short run in a few cinemas, but was a total flop anyway.

-Which meant it wasn’t profitable and the cast and crew walked away empty handed. In any case, when they added up their promised cuts it turned out Warren had promised them 300% of the profits. I’m curious to know whether this was because of a mistake [he made this movie, I could believe he’s just that dumb] or done on purpose to entice them in and then scam them out of it.

-Sadly, about six months after the movie was made, John Reynolds [Torgo] committed suicide.

-Warren attempted a sequel. He had always had this notion, it’s why what happened to Torgo was so unclear. Warren planned to bring him back for a sequel should the movie be a raging success. It was the total opposite, but he tried anyway. But he couldn’t do it alone, and no one was interested.

-So with the sequel down the drain, one year after “Manos” The Hands of Fate,  Warren approached Robert Guidry the cinematographer with another script called Wild Desert Bikers. Says Robert’s wife, “It was about a Young School Teacher who is kidnapped by a Teenage Biker in her English Class and who is submitted to all sorts of vile behavior at the shack (on Judge Coldwell’s ranch) where the rest of the bikers hang out.”

Eeewww. This sounds even more misogynistic than “Manos”. Anyway, Guidry politely declined, and if he was smart changed his name, phone number and moved to another state. Warren contacted some other people with his script. No one was interested.

-He then tried to make it a book instead. No one was interested. You know, whatever else Warren was, he was very determined. His movie was a bomb and a laughing stock, but he still thought it wasn’t that hard to make films or apparently write novels.

-“Manos” became a faded obscurity for over 25 years. Then along came a show called Mystery Science Theatre 3000, where the characters would watch the worst movies the creators could find, and riff them. Somehow someone on the crew found “Manos” The Hands of Fate. “We started watching it, and had never seen anything like that,” says writer Mike Nelson. “We kept saying to ourselves, “There is no way we can do this movie, it is just too bizarre.” But we finally decided, “No, we must bring this to the world.””

-And so “Manos” The Hands of Fate was brought to the world by the team of MST3K in a unprecedented display of dedication to finding the worst shit possible and making it public. Well done, guys.

-It proceeded to become very popular among fans of the show. Unfortunetly, Harold P. Warren never got to find out that he had eventually won his bet – he died in 1985, before MST3K even existed.

-Some people thought “Hey, I wonder what it’s like without the MST3K gang,” tracked down an original copy, and watched it. Most of those people were scarred for life.

-However, Quentin Tarantino is not one of them. He has a copy, and it’s his favourite comedy. Good for him.


And that’s about it kids. If I find something else or realize I’ve forgotten something, I’ll edit it into the list, but until then, this is the unofficial list of all the laughter, tears and destruction that “Manos” The Hands of Fate wrought.

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Dr Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog.

June 30, 2008 at 1:09 am (misc.) (, , , , )

There’s this thing coming out, a series of webisodes which I must find some way to watch at all costs. It’s about an evil mastermind called Dr Horrible, the hero who beats him up, and the girl at the laundromat who he has trouble talking to. How I Met Your Mother’s Neil Patrick Harris is Dr Horrible, Nathan Fillion of Firefly and Slither is the hero, and the girl’s played by someone called Felicia Day, I’ve never seen her in anything but she was on Buffy in Season Seven. Did I mention it’s a musical? Written by Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Firefly? No?

Well, I love musicals, and Joss Whedon, and Nathan Fillion, and Neil Patrick Harris… In short, squeeeeeeecan’twait!!!

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In Dying Breed 2, the cannibals and extinct tigers mate.

June 26, 2008 at 12:00 pm (movies) (, , )

This is coming in November, and it’s just so odd that I have to share it. Here’s the official description.

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Dying Breed interweaves the two most fascinating icons of Tasmanian history: the extinct Tasmanian tiger and “The Pieman” (aka Alexander Pearce*) who was hanged for cannibalism in 1824. Against all odds, Pearce escaped from the most feared penal settlement of the British Empire – Sarah Island – and disappeared into the impenetrable forests of Western Tasmania. Seven convicts escaped with him, yet Pearce was the only one that emerged… along with chunks of human flesh in his pockets. The legend of Pearce was born. An extinct species… a long forgotten legend… both had a desperate need to survive; both could now have living descendants* within the Tasmanian bush. Many sightings of the tiger have been reported. Many hikers have gone missing. Hundreds in fact.

Zoologist Nina is convinced there are still tigers remaining in the Tasmanian wilderness, and she has proof – a photograph of a paw print snapped by her sister just before she met with a fatal accident in the bush eight years before. Unable to attain funding for an expedition, Nina fears her wish to finish her sister’s work (and perhaps lay to rest recurrent nightmares she has about her sister’s death) will never happen. Her partner, Matt, manages to persuade an old mate Jack to help finance the trip – at a price. Jack brings along a girlfriend, Rebecca, who uses the trip as an escape from her stifling real estate job. On their quest to find the extinct tiger, the group venture deep into isolated territory and into the domain of “Pieman” descendants. “Sarah” is a small township that passionately upholds its cannibalistic heritage in honour of the convict patriarch that gave birth to it*. It needs to stay hidden to survive… but it also needs fresh “stock” to breed. The four hunters become the hunted.

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This will do wonders for the reputation of Australian films, surely. [/sarcasm]

*1. I don’t know this guy by name, but my mum used to tell this story about a guy who kept escaping from an early convict prison thingy and would convince other people to go with him. They kept finding him and bringing him back, but they wouldn’t find the other people, and then the last time they found him he was eating a fellow convict. Wikipedia’s article on Pearce suggests that this could easily have originated from him.
*2. Wikipedia never mentioned rumours of descendents, my book on Australian mysteries never mentioned the idea though it did have the “Tasmanian Tiger might not be extinct,” thing, Google doesn’t provide any pages which say anything about descendants and aren’t describing the movie. Somehow I find it far more likely that the person who came up with the concept of this movie really got it off the Sawney Bean legend, or something like The Hills Have Eyes or that episode of Torchwood where the town eats people. It just makes more sense to see something like that and think “Hey, I could combine that with Pearce so it would be all Australian,” rather than to think “I wonder what causes Tasmanian hikers to disappear. Maybe that guy Pieman has a tribe of descendants in a supersecret town in the bush and they live in harmony with the extinct Tasmanian Tiger for some reason. Ooh, movie idea!”
*3. Well, of course. Lets reason this out. Alex got some before they caught him, she got knocked up, the kid grew up to be a cannibal too, because he or she had cannibal genes. Then they found someone who tasted bad, liked ’em anyway, got married and started a family. Alex Jr. raised this family to believe that human tastes better than beef, but local law enforcement disagreed, so they ran off into the bush, found some “stock” to “breed” with in explorers and the like, because eating each other might have been cool, but incest wasn’t. Didn’t wanna be freaks or nothin’, see. So they continued to expand their little tribe, built a town out of random stuff they found in the bush [the average cannibal makes Robinson Crusoe look as useless as Paris Hilton but with more coconuts] started a church in the name of the guy who first gave ’em their cannibal gene, and evolved into what we have today. It was inevietable. Also, they have something to do with the actually not extinct Tasmanian Tigers, because they’re secret and the Tigers are a secret and so they sought each other out to be secret together and eat people as nature intended.

And seriously, what list of the two most fascinating Tasmanian icons doesn’t have the big famous haunted convict prison Port Arthur on it?

Trailer.

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Tragedy of the 60s; “Manos” The Hands of Fate.

June 26, 2008 at 3:58 am (movies) (, , )

Yesterday I watched a little movie called “Manos” The Hands of Fate, which is a serious and very popular contender for the worst film ever made. It’s certainly the worst film I’ve ever seen, beating out Batman & Robin, Frankenfish, Riding The Bus With My Sister [starring Rosie O’Donnell] and Pokemon: The Movie. I do not recommend you watch this film under normal circumstances, as some people can come out okay but some people will be driven mad. Instead, the entire thing is up on Youtube, only with a guy and two robots sitting in the audience and mocking it the entire time, AKA it was featured on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Even when the guy and robot’s comments aren’t that funny, they can at least amuse enough to keep your mind from getting sucked too far into the movie and trapped in that sack of crap, keeping the movie on a so-bad-it’s-good-and-a-very-interesting-experience level instead of a driving-you-insane level. Thank God. You know, I kind of have the feeling that the more times I watch this movie, the funnier it will get. Although it might also get more disturbing and insane driving. Lets just take a look at how this thing got to be so terrible.

-Once upon a time [1966] there was a fertalizer salesman called Harold Warren. He didn’t think it was that difficult to make good movies. He was wrong.

-When he got the opportunity, he made a bet with a [future Oscar winning] screenwriter that he could make a popular horror on almost no budget. He was ironically right. That episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is widely sought after.

-Warren managed to raise $19,000 to make the movie.

-He used his salesman skills to convince a bunch of people from the local theatre and a modeling agency to act in his movie with no salary, only the promise of a cut of the profits. Mm, profits. That worked out very well for them, I’m sure.

-The guy who played Torgo was a drug addict and was often high as a kite during filming. This comes across on screen, believe me.

-Warren decided that as well as being director, producer and writer extraordinaire, he was also a great actor, and cast himself as the hero of the piece. As Homer once said, save me Jeebus!

-Possibly because he couldn’t afford it or possibly because of plain stupidity, Warren purchased a camera that could only get 30 seconds of footage at a time.

-This camera also had a problem with recording sound; as in it couldn’t and all dialogue had to be dubbed in later. Yeah, I’m thinking this was more stupidity than budget.

-They couldn’t afford stunt doubles. Sometimes that’s okay if there’s no big stunts or anything that might inflict serious wounds [there wasn’t], the cast will just do it and take the pain. Not this time. They aren’t even slapped properly, it’s like a hard pat that slides down their cheek as they turn their head. The wrestling scenes consist mostly of grabbing and shaking each other, and so does Torgo’s “execution,” which later became known as getting “massaged to death.”

-Torgo was supposed to be a faun-like creature called a satyr. Together, the actor and Tom Neyman [the Master] made a kind of rig so his knees would appear backwards. Somehow, probably due to being so high, John Reynolds wore them backwards by accident. Warren didn’t want to reshoot, so he had to wear them that way for the rest of filming, which ended up damaging knees so much he had to take pain meds for them. Poor guy.

-Lots of moths were attracted to the lights where they were filming at night. But it’d be okay, ‘cause moths are like, creepy, and would totally add to the creepiness of this popular horror hit he was making! Right? Right? Wroooong.

-Oh, and they didn’t have much lighting anyway. This meant when they filmed outside, they either had to stay mostly in one place or move the lights and scenery around a lot. The latter required too much work and effort. Fortunetly, the script was very creative in providing reasons why the characters aren’t moving very far. Such as… tripping! And then just sort of lying on the ground for ages whinging! Or… No reason! Allowing the audience to provide whatever reason they can think of! It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure movie! Yaaaaaayyyarrgghhhohsocrap!

-With his amateur, unexperienced actors, Warren figured two takes maximum would do juuuust fine.

-He put the casts doubts about this to rest by telling them that all mistakes, moths or bad performances would be patched up in post-production. He lied.

These all contributed and without them it would not be so widely regarded as the worst film ever made, but there are, IMO, three main reasons that “Manos” The Hands of Fate [that’s not me doing the quotation marks thing btw, that’s how the movie title is officially punctuated; no one knows why.] is the king of suck.

-Script. The dialogue is extremely repetitive. Seriously, almost everyone here feels the need to say everything at least twice in the same scene. It kind of works for Torgo since he’s just weird, but not for anybody else. Do you want me to count the number of times Maggie says “Mike, I’m scared,” or some variation thereof? On second thoughts, my sanity can’t take the strain, but trust me, it’s a lot. Perhaps Warren suffered from short term memory loss and kept forgetting he’d already had that line twelve times. Then the dialogue is just so baaad. Listen to the dialogue in another tv show or movie. It’s always trying to be clever or funny or just sound natural. “Manos” The Hands of Fate scores horribly in all three columns. Amazing. There’s a total lack of exposition, too, and so there are all these things left totally unexplained. What is this “Manos” thing exactly, and why does he have a hand fetish? Torgo said the Master “isn’t dead as we know it,” then it never comes up again, so is he a zombie or what? No one ever explains anything.

-Characters. Apart from my beloved Torgo, there is not a single character here who was actually thought of as that – a character. Generally, when people are making a movie, a show, a play or a book, they think of what each person within the play is like, their personality, likes, dislikes, ect. For crying out loud, this is even done with Lana Lang. I hate her with every fibre of my being, she’s a huge Mary Sue and a godawful character, but Goughlar at least think of her as a character [that they are in love with] instead of a plot device. Well, sometimes. The characters in this movie are just there to make stuff happen, they have no substance. No thought was given as to what Mike or Maggie or Debbie was like, they were just there. It’s beyond pathetic. Oh, and have I mentioned how horribly sexist Maggie is? She provides great humour, but it makes me very uncomfortable at the same time. Several times, even though it was the MST3K version, I had to take a break and do something else for a couple of minutes before I could stand to come back. The majority of those moments were due to Maggie. She was incapable of doing anything herself, needing Miiiike for everything. It goes beyond just damsel-in-distress to being a damsel who will not even try to get herself out of distress, regardless of how easy that would be.

-Pacing. Everything goes on forever. Everything. Torgo moves very slowly, and we usually have to watch all of it. He’s getting their bags? Watch all of it! Mike and Maggie saying the Master and his dog look creepy in the portrait? Have them say it about fifty times in different ways, say each way twice, then repeat the scene later! The Master’s six wives get into an argument and it gets physical? Have four separate fucking scenes of the catfight wrestling! Every crappy inch of “Manos” The Hands of Fate is stretched out as far as it will go and then more.

More to come on “Manos” The Hands Of Fate later. This level of shit cannot be left alone so soon.

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Why was it bad? Five questions for the pair who made Speed Racer.

June 23, 2008 at 11:45 am (movies) (, )

Title is self explanatory.

 

What were you going for with the colour scheme? Usually when things have such an unusual colour scheme they do so with a specific goal in mind. For example, Pushing Daisies saturates everything to help add the feeling that it’s a fairytale show despite the corpses, and Sweeney Todd makes everything dull and grey except for blood because that’s how life is for the titular character, he can only get satisfaction from killing. But I can’t see much point in making everything neon in your movie, it was interesting, but didn’t even look that good, certainly not the money you must have spent on it. Why did you decide to make everything look the way it did?

 

I get that the little brother and the monkey were supposed to be comic relief. All their scenes feel like they were written in five seconds, with no thought given as to making them actually funny, instead just expecting the audience to laugh at any old wacky antic. Also, they didn’t fit into the rest of the plot at all, and oh yeah, I was constantly getting an urge to chop his head off, because he was just that irritaiting. So uh, how long did you spend writing their jokes and did they have some purpose other than comic relief that I missed?

 

So, there was that thing with Racer X. You know, the thing where he’s actually Rex, then he isn’t, then he is again, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is, then he isn’t, then he is… I’m sure you get the idea. Could you make up your bleedin’ minds?

 

So uh, when Little Speed asked Little Trixie if she wanted to see his car collection, was that an euphanism? Maybe I have a dirty mind, but it did kinda sound like one.

Seriously, what the fuck was up with the floating head wipes? By the final race they were literally being used every five seconds. Giant floating heads flying across the screen gets really annoying when they’re constantly being used for TWO FUCKING HOURS. Is there a flying head fetish that one of you two is hiding?

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Bag The SatC Promo Pic Game, first and last round.

June 17, 2008 at 11:41 am (Uncategorized) ()

Okay, I’m almost done. There aren’t any more posters unless we start getting ones in other languages, and I can’t be bothered to open that door. So I’m going to finish off with this one promotional picture.

I don’t know why she finds staring at the roof so wonderful. I do know why her eyes and nose appear distorted – photoshop! Again! Some more! By someone who has no idea how to use it! And is a total moron!

But by far the most striking feature of this woeful photo is the alarming paleness of Carrie. I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the entire photo, not just her, is all paled up. But since so much of it is white already, it’s hard to tell. Last time I checked though, SJP wasn’t a snowy silvery colour tinged with pink at the edges. Perhaps the movie reveals that Carrie is really a Martian, which would also explain the distorted facial features. If it does so, I apologize. If not, I must conclude that my cat could put a better promo pic in her sleep with her paws handcuffed together while distracted by food. Suck it, promo pic.

So to round up, there are three main problems with the horrendous marketing campaign for SatC.

Making it all about Carrie/SJP.

Doing absolutely nothing to draw in new viewers i.e. putting almost nothing but a giant title on the poster.

Very, very, very bad photoshopping.

There was also a total lack of creativity, but thats too common an offence to count, so I’ll just make a note of it instead of counting it as one of the crimes.

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Ted Mosby Is A Jerk, says crazy lady. In song.

June 14, 2008 at 6:49 am (tv misc) ()

I love How I Met Your Mother. I’d been hearing good things about it for ages, and decided to check it out about five weeks back. It was funny, and I really liked it, but then came an episode last week all about how someone is trying to ruin Barney’s life which made me love it. They had a tournament to see which one would have the most cause, since he had done some horrible things before or after having a one night stand with them. Then, at the final four, he went round to see them and check if they were trying to ruin his life. He had impersonated his best friend Ted to nail the second one, and she told him she had a website. Barney got up on a chair, and announced to the crowded cafe that he, Ted Mosby, does horrible things to women, to make sure to tell their friends and relatives, and they should all go visit the website. Which the narration says went on to get 400,000 hits, “Thanks, Barney.”


So, it’s a real website. Most of it’s pretty cute, but nothing more, although I like that they made it completely as though we are inside the HIMYM universe, there’s nothing telling us to buy T-Shirts to support the show or any of that crap. But the best part is, the main page has a song that will start to play. A song of awesome. It’s written by the girl from the show who supposedly set up the website, and is about how “Ted Mosby,” is a jerk.  Well, sometimes it’s about how she still loves him and wants him to come back. It has time to alternate since it goes for twenty minutes. It also gets more and more insane as it goes along, peaking at about 16 minutes in. In any case, it’s super awesome, with awesomesauce. For anyone who watches HIMYM, this is a must-see, and Battlestar Galactica fans should enjoy the big reference to their show.


Seriously, even if you don’t watch HIMYM, if at some point you’re doing something on your computer that is not watching a video but will take twenty minutes or longer [say, homework] I recommend foregoing music you’ve listened to a thousand times and checking this out. At least if you enjoy crazy but fun kind of stuff.


tedmosbyisajerk.com


Off the song alone, this deserves the Emmy for whatever category you put websites in. I know there is a category, the Jericho site got a nom last year.

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Bag The SatC Poster: Round 5

June 12, 2008 at 2:37 pm (movies) (, )

Someone finally realized there was more than one person in the movie! Amazing. That is indeed something to be celebrated – which says volumes about the others – but it doesn’t mean this one isn’t a piece of crap too. Just sliiiightly less crappy crap. For example, why are they all looking to their left? Furthermore, if there’s supposed to be something interesting over there, why aren’t they actually looking at the same spot?

 

Then the one on th far left sure don’t look like Sarah Jessica Parker, whereas the one named “Kim Cattrall,” sure does. They either mixed the names up or, more likely and just as idiotic, never thought to attach the correct name to the correct person, and just randomly plunked them over the top of the title.

 

Sex and the City was supposed to be a fashion icon, and maybe that’s true, but it sure ain’t coming across on this poster. Okay, so the white dress looks alright. Not great, and pretty boring coming from a fashion icon, but there’s nothing actually wrong with it. But, it’s the only one. Although I like the sparkly on the redhead’s dress, the rest of it is just such an ugly colour. It would have been nice if not for that colour. Then we have the woman with the awful fringe. Her dress is flesh coloured. It’s rare for a flesh-coloured dress to look good, but it’s very rare that they make the wearer look naked either. This case, though… Somehow, at first glance her dress looks like it’s just an incredibly transparent garment with shiny polka dots, even though it’s actually a solid colour. Weird. It probably doesn’t help that it’s so short, though. And we have finally arrived at the delightful monstrosity that Carrie is wearing. It’s so… rainbow… and I thought at first that the sleeves were just extremely baggy, but from the way it joins in the middle, it’s probably a cloak. Her shimmery rainbow dress with it’s own shimmery rainbow cloak attached masquerading as baggy sleeves. So… yeah. This is getting awfully close to being a superhero look. Maybe she could call herself the Queen of Colour or something.

 

Once again, the lighting is really weird. It doesn’t look like daytime in the background either, but they are mysteriously lit in bright light anyway. Furthermore, some idiot set it up so that their heads and torsos are in nice bright lighting, but their legs get progressively darker as they go down. I think, however, that this is not a stage lighting problem so much as a photoshop one, where some lazyass moron made their legs match the colour of the road more and more moving down them. ‘Cause by the time it gets to their feet, it looks like the lovely ladies had been standing in deep wet cement for a while and got their ankles stuck in it. Not kidding, just look at it. Why anyone would do this, I have no idea.

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Bag The Sex and the City Poster game! Round 3.

June 7, 2008 at 4:35 pm (movies) (, )

 

 

 

Again with SJP getting the huge title at the top and being the only one in the poster. This isn’t a character poster, btw, meaning there aren’t ones of the other girls as well like they have with most blockbusters focused around multiple people, or even many ones focused around just one person. Like some of the Harry Potter movies. From what I’ve heard the show was about four female friends in New York, so how that’s been translated into It’s All About Carrie for the advertising campaign is lost on me.

 

But more importantly, her hair has come to life and is eating her head and shoulders. Just look at it, it’s rising away from her head, and there are tendrils of it snaking down her shoulders. This one could easily be revamped as a horror movie poster too, just not a specific one, and Stuck is supposed to be pretty good whereas this non-existent horror movie would be crap city, because you can’t make a movie about hair eating someone and have it be anywhere near adequate. Wait, unless it was so-bad-it’s-good-on-purpose horror-comedy like Slither. That would be way cool then.

Hm, topic. It’s not even a good look. She should wear her hair; the hair shouldn’t wear her face and later eat it. The make-up is awful too, although not so noticeable because of the carnivorous tragedy surrounding it. And seriously, why is it that it’s nighttime; everything’s dim, yet her face and hair are in bright light? Did the moon send down a special beam just for her? Am I supposed to say aww? You get no aww, poster. I reserve my awws for posters with Abigail Breslin or baby animals on them. Or Adam Baldwin. He’s so aggressively fuzzy and adorable. Like a baby animal clutching a machine gun and snarling.

Finally, I am not really sure why that jacket is so shiny. It looks like sparkly pleather, which is a scary, scary thought.

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Sex and the City and the Crappy Posters.

June 5, 2008 at 5:26 am (movies) (, )

The Sex and the City movie comes out today. I’ve never watched the series, but I would have considered going to see the movie. That is, if that damn poster hadn’t been up everywhere.

 

It’s just so baaad and lazily done. A poster should have more than text on it. There are only two things they’re using here; the name and Sarah Jessica Parker. Granted, there are a lot of people who know and like those two things [although most of the fans of SJP love SatC anyway, so maybe putting her on it was a bit redundant] but a poster should be able to make a movie look enticing on it’s own merits. This was plain laziness, they didn’t even try to make it look good. Now, I have to see this poster at least five or six times a day, which, without even seeing it, has led to me hating the movie, SJP and especially Carrie, ‘cause of that tagline “Get Carried Away!” I didn’t even know her name was Carrie before this! I was happy not knowing! Although you know what would be cool, if she became more like Stephen King’s Carrie. Yeah! Her love interest could slight her and she’d use her latent telekinetic powers to give him a gruesome death, and then go on a rampage and destroy all of New York! Then something would injure her, and eventually her three friends would find her and get her to stop, but it doesn’t really matter because then she dies. SJP could branch out, and everybody would be so pissed off! Huh, I seem to be getting my Tom on.

 

 

 

 Okay, so I know that saying “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.’ And I’m not, I don’t think that it’s a bad movie or that SJP is a bad actress. It’s just that having to see this at least five or six times a day has led to me becoming so gorram sick of it all already that I couldn’t stand to go in and watch it for another two and half hours. So don’t think I’m saying anything bad about the actual movie or series. It’s just the poster. Or rather, posters, because the others are pretty shit too. And so are the promo pics they released. God, who was supposed to be advertising this movie? They should thank god that it doesn’t really matter since it’s the cinematic sequel to a very popular show and hordes of people are going to see it anyway. Otherwise, those damn posters and pics would have made it a bomb, no matter how good it was. So, who wants to play a game of Bag The Poster/Promo Pic?

 

 

I love how “Sarah Jessica Parker,” is just spashed in huge letters across the top, and then the other three get names half the size and separate. Like, maybe they should just shove ‘em in that tiny little wordy bit where they list the entire cast and crew and nobody ever reads it? There’s no need to promote them so much. [/sarcasm] Furthermore, for people who dislike Carrie – from what I hear there are quite a few – this would be a major turn-off, because it’s making it look like she’s the only one that matters. Gawd. We haven’t even gotten to the mistakes yet. For example, look at her right hand. You can juuuust see it, it’s almost completely transparent. So either Carrie’s a ghost, or has the power to become invisible. Hey, I’ve heard the show was like a fashion landmark, the clothes would be even more noticeable if there’s apparently nobody in them.

 

Then after the tiny little wordy bit, everything becomes heavily tinged with gray. Because of this, I didn’t get that she was carrying a shopping bag until a minute ago, and was wondering if that was supposed to be graffiti someone had done on the road, or if it was in there by accident. Although she’s not carrying it beside her so much and behind her so this one can also be blamed a little on the person who designed the shot. Oh, and btw, if you don’t get she’s carrying a shopping bag behind her, it makes you wonder exactly what her hand is doing behind there. My best guess was grabbing her own ass.

 

If this was just some random movie, what would you think it was about based off this poster? Perhaps a woman who gets hit by a taxi, because there’s one right behind her about to hit her and there’s nothing else here to explain the premise… Yeah. Nice job poster concept morons! Actually, if they replaced day with night, the taxi with an ordinary car and SJP with a middle-aged, depressed homeless guy, they could pretty much use this as a poster for that movie Stuck. I hope not though, I like their poster. It’s tabloid-y.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It certainly carries a different tone to the trailer, but I think they’re both pretty cool.

 

This is taking a while, so I’m going to pick up the Bag the SatC Poster game again later, ‘kay?

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